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David Beckham's proposed Premier League
return will only be on loan with Spurs and
Blackburn keen, with Rovers ruling out
Ronaldinho.
Dyke L. Marler
May 17, 2012
Tuscaloosa, AL
You didn’t think I was going to keep my baseball genius (geek/nerd/statistician syndrome) to myself all summer did you? Nooooooo. Of course not. So today is the day I jump back into MLB like a fat kid belly-flopping in a wading pool. I’m hearing good things about the Braves and the Nationals in the NL and the Orioles, Rays (with a 14-3 home record. Admit it, you missed me while I was gone. Who else crawls into the detail like I do?!!) and the Rangers in the AL.
I understand that Josh Hamilton had a 4 HR game and the Braves have the best young arms in the game, 19 year old Bryce Harper got called up by the Nationals** and the “Fenway Faithful” are about to riot in Boston. I also saw that Mariana Rivera tore an ACL but promises to return in 2013. Really Mariana? Dude, you’re 145 years old. What, wait, hold on…my stats guy just confirmed that Rivera is actually 146 years old. My bad.
And we have had two horrible calls by umpires this year. The throw from Colorado Rockies Chris Nelson (Redan High School) which pulled his first baseman off the bag by two feet and the one just the other night with the Blue Jays Brett Lawrie bounced his batting helmet off of the home plate umpire after being called out on two horrible back to back “strikes.” I’m all for Lawrie’s 4 game suspension and even appreciate the fact that he dropped his appeal and began serving his suspension immediately but in the heat of the moment - literal heat because baseball is a summer sport – in an ultra competitive situation involving ultra competitive individuals who are programmed to win in the womb, I’m surprised this type of thing doesn’t happen more often.
So let me know which team you want me to cover first and I will get to it!
** If you love baseball do yourself a favor and go to YouTube and watch Bryce Harper at 17 years old in Tropicana Field hit a 502 ft. HR with a wooden bat.
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Dyke L. Marler
May 6, 2012
Atlanta, GA
“It’s the same old story, same old song and dance my friend…” Aerosmith
I’m officially done with Floyd Mayweather, Jr. Until he fights Manny Pacquiao – and he won’t – I have better things to do than watch the same story play out over and over. If you know anything about boxing, please answer this question for me (and if you don’t know anything about boxing please refrain. I know this is going to be difficult for some of you Floyd “fans”) – did you see Floyd land anything last night that would have hurt Pacquiao?
Let’s start at the top. First of all WTF is Marsha Ambrosius and what drunken asshole idiot decided that she could sing our National Anthem? My God that was awful. She was introduced as a “6 time Grammy Award winner.” What did she win them for, playing an accordion? Wow that was painful.
So anyway back to the issue at hand. Floyd Mayweather, Jr. has officially jumped the shark. We get it Floyd, we really do. You are one of the most talented boxers (because, let’s face it, he’s not a fighter) to ever step inside a ring and possibly the most talented. You make a lot of money. We get that and I’ve never heard anyone speak disparagingly about Floyd’s skills or begrudge him the amount of money he makes. So why does that necessarily translate into being a Grade A asshole? You know who else is supremely talented, makes a lot of money and belongs to an elite group? I’ll name a few off the top of my head, because the question is just that easy to answer; President Obama, Bill Gates, David Beckham (I don’t care how much money Floyd makes, he will never get as much pu**y as this guy), Oprah Winfrey, J-Lo, George Clooney (see Beckham above) and, oh I don’t know, the guy who invented tape.
So what’s up with the whole “hey look at me I’m an asshole routine?” And while we’re at it what’s up with JUSTIN BIEBER wearing Floyd’s belts into the ring? Justin “I haven’t grown hair down there yet” Bieber couldn’t have looked more out of place if he had been smoking a pipe. The kid looked terrified and had no idea what to do inside a boxing ring. Hysterical. 50 Cent and HHH – I can see that I guess – but Justin Bieber was the very last nail in Floyd’s coffin as far as I’m concerned.
Fundamentally, winning a boxing match (I refuse to call any of Floyd’s bouts a fight) is about hitting and not getting hit. Most fighters are willing to stand toe to toe and exchange punches, their best against the other guys best, and fighters and fight fans will attribute character traits to that. Hang around boxing for even a short time and you will hear words such as “courageous” or ”warrior.” I simply cannot attribute those traits to a guy who, for most of his career, has hand-picked opponents who are either beginning their ascent to being good or beginning their decline after being good. Floyd simply will not fight anyone in their prime and he will spend the rest of his now boring career dodging Manny Pacquiao and running his mouth.
So on my way out the door, I’m going to throw a couple of shots myself. Not that they will land because Floyd would be squeezed into the corner as far as he could go with his shoulder rolled up, doing his best to run away. So here goes…
Yelling at your father on HBO’s 24/7 “you ain’t nothing but a cab driver” was the height of classless. Your father was a very good fighter and he does a remarkable job of putting up with your arrogant ass. You have to know that you embarrass him every day of his life.
Buy your Uncle Roger some teeth. And maybe going forward you can hire someone to expand his vocabulary. Dropping the MF bomb every sentence tells us all that you will always be a hood rat.
Your girlfriend is ugly. I’ve had better women than that and no I’m not exaggerating. Her fake eyelashes were almost as big as her fake tits and neither were appealing in any way and her fake interest in you didn’t fool any of us.
Stop beating your kids mother in front of your kids. Maybe reporting to jail for two months on June 1st will cure you of that.
Look closely at your Father and your Uncle, because that’s how it ends for you. Broke, profane, mumbling and toothless.
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Dyke L. Marler
April 20, 2012
In a Car, somewhere between Atlanta and Tuscaloosa, AL
It was Carson Tinker’s Dad. Know why I didn’t write this article a few day’s ago and blindly make fun of a person or a situation I knew nothing about? Three reasons; 1. I was raised better than that. 2. Something told me not to and I heeded that “something.” That quiet voice we all have and I, and speaking only for me, should heed more often. 3. Here’s where it’s going to get a little contentious – we have 14 of those things at Alabama. We broke one? Okay. Is that big news or something? But it was insured right? Yes it was. And the $8,000 Bama will have to pay Waterford Crystal to replace it, Bama has, right? Uh, yeah. And then some. Probably in Saban’s FRONT pocket. And we still have the other 13, right? Yep.
So a whole bunch of people around the Country thought that was real funny. And here is where this article is going to go from contentious to down-right aggressive and if you have ever read my articles you know that the warning I just issued should probably come with sirens and interruptions on the TV, so if you are the easily offended type you may want to take the next exit. IN MY LIFETIME I HAVE SEEN ALABAMA WIN 9 NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS. 9. Let me say that again. 9, in my lifetime. Anybody else got a bigger number than that? Didn’t think so. So the next time you want to make fun of the great State of Ala-by-God-bama, remember that. You know what else? I bet I know who didn’t drop that trophy. I would have bet everything I own and will ever own that it wasn’t Mark Ingram or Trent Richardson, who combined to put it on the carpet exactly 4 times in over 1,400 carries in their respective Alabama careers, before they left with National Championship Rings, visits to the White House and the millions that come from being selected in the 1st Round of the NFL Draft. You hear me LSU fans? Yeah, I bet you do.
So anyway, here’s my point. Before message boards became attached to internet sports and political sites I had no idea that people were so incredibly stupid. I don’t follow politics at all because I like to save all of my hatred for the NY Yankees but in the past week I took my eye off the ball so to speak and started listening to people’s political beliefs and I have never heard such craziness in all my life. Just yesterday I read that some Bishop/Cardinal type likened Obama’s policies to those of Hitler and Stalin. He clearly said policies, not murderous inclinations. But of course some opportunistic “please feel sorry for us” group got their little girl panties all in a wad and felt it necessary to have a press release that they were “offended.” So? In this case it was the Anti-Defamation League. You know what I’m offended by Anti-Def League? That your people control, and always have controlled, 99% of the major media outlets in this Country. So as David “Big Papi” Ortiz said last week, suck on that. I give less than a damn what you’re offended by and I sincerely hope one of you weak kneed morons asks me, no excuse me, DEMANDS that I make an apology for my opinion because then it’s gonna get real fun.
So anyhoo, it was Carson Tinker’s Dad who broke the trophy and now I will tell you why I’m happy I didn’t jump out there and go all Trayvon Martin supporter and practice contempt prior to investigation. Because 7 days from now will mark the 1 year anniversary of the day that Carson Tinker and his girlfriend Ashley Harrison were huddled in an apartment while a Category 5 tornado raged outside tearing up everything in it’s 1 mile wide path. Carson was thrown 150 yards and regained conciousness in an empty field and Ashley was killed. So maybe the old man was leaning on the trophy because he was suddenly overcome by emotion. Maybe he absent-mindedly rested against it when he was struck by the gratitude of his good fortune to still have his son. The honest answer is that I don’t know why or how he broke the trophy but I do know that my parents are probably proud of me that I didn’t turn out to be another idiot behind a keyboard.
And, oh yeah, we still have 13 of those things sitting on the shelf. So just because it seems like a big deal to you doesn’t mean it’s a big deal to us.
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Dyke L. Marler
April 19, 2012
Tuscaloosa, AL
Alabama wide receiver, DeAndrew White has been hospitalized with concussive symptoms following an apparent altercation on University Boulevard early Thursday morning in a popular area of campus known as “The Strip.”
Sources close to the situation report that White is not seriously injured. An incident involving the discharge of a firearm drew police to the area early Thursday morning bit it is not presently known if White was involved in that incident.
According to my source there were two separate altercations and police have 2 suspects in custody regarding the shots fired.
“The Strip” is immediately behind Bryant-Denny Stadium and is a popular area for students, players and fans and has many restaurants, bars and clothing stores. And for any of you “contempt prior to investigation” types who like to throw out the thug label, I will tell you that I live less than 50 yards from where this incident took place and shots being fired there are about as common as Bama losing to Vanderbilt.
More information as it becomes available. Now where is my vest…
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Dyke L. Marler
April 5, 2012
I usually like to start Baseball Season with an article tying last year to this year. Kind of like watching the last episode of last season before this Sunday’s debut of The Borgias and Nurse Jackie.
Then…I saw this and could not help myself. I had the great pleasure of looking over Josh Outman’s shoulder as he prepared to pitch against the Red Sox last year in Fenway Park (Happy 100th Birthday Fenway!!) and other than his favorite number 88 on his jersey, I did not see anything remarkable about him.
Well Josh has taken his number 88 to the Colorado Rockies this year where he found out on Friday he made the team. Days later we find out that he has been placed on the 15 day DL for a strained oblique (few injuries are more painful to a pitcher) which occurred while vomiting. It is being referred to by the Rockies Organization as a “vomit induced injury.” Hmmm, never heard that one. Reminds me of former Atlanta Brave (and Douglasville High star) Terry Harper who once dislocated his thumb while taking off his sock.
So lets hope that the season gets a little less rocky for Mr. Outman, who at least has the appropriate name for a pitcher.
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March 23, 2012
Ohio State over Cincy
Syracuse over Wisconsin
Michigan State over Louisville
Florida over Marquette
Duke over Baylor. Well since Duke is no longer in the tournament we can write a big red x on this one. Hold on, that red pen has run out of ink let me get another one.
North Carolina over Michigan (this game actually matches Carolina and Ohio)
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Dyke L. Marler
March 20, 2012
“We’re caught in a trap, I can’t walk out…” Elvis Aaron Presley
Alright, before we talk about brackets and colossal flops and all that I would like to offer a not so subtle reminder that I am the same guy who correctly predicted 85 out of 100 College Football games this past season and am an acknowledged baseball savant. Well savant-ish.
But after Sunday my brackets have more red x’s than one of my old Geometry tests. I think I may have used that same joke last year which would make it about as funny as a Robert De Negro fundraiser joke. But either way I have the courage to not run and hide just because I started the 1st Round with a couple of bad picks. Who didn’t? I still have 10 teams in from the Sweet Sixteen, 6 of my Elite 8 are still in play and all 4 of my Final Four.
So…moving on to the 2nd Round, here are my picks:
East
Syracuse over Wisconsin
Ohio State over FSU (that was my pick when I filled out my brackets. Ohio State is actually playing Cincinnati)
West
Michigan State over Louisville
Missouri over Murray State (A double miss for me. This game actually features Florida vs. Marquette)
We’ll do this again tomorrow.
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Dyke L. Marler
March 18, 2012
That’s more like it. After getting slaughtered yesterday, I came back with a 7-1 record on Day 3. Not sure why I saw the Murray State Racers beating Marquette but I have made wayyyyyyy worse picks than that one. So on to Day 4.
Hits and Misses
Misses – I missed in my upset pick of Murray State over Marquette. It just didn’t happen. It was very close until the very end but so was Duke and Lehigh. Oh sorry Duke fans, I guess that stung a little. Next time I need to illustrate a point I’ll go with Missouri and Norfolk State.
Hits – Everything else.
South
Kentucky over Iowa State
Indiana over VCU
and
Baylor over Colorado
West
Louisville over New Mexico
Marquette over Murray State (missed pick)
East
Syracuse over K-State
Wisconsin over Vandy
Ohio State over Gonzaga
Day 4 Predictions
South
Duke over Notre Dame – Yes, I am aware that both of those teams have been eliminated.
West
Michigan State over Saint Louis
East
Florida State over Cincinnati
Midwest
North Carolina over Creighton
Michigan over Temple (obvious miss, since both of these teams were eliminated)
Georgetown over San Diego State (Actually Georgetown vs. NC State)
and
Kansas over St. Mary’s (Actually Kansas vs. Purdue)
Dyke L. Marler
March 17, 2012
And then the bottom fell out…
I started Day 2 with 3 misses in the first round and I begin Day 3 with 11 losses. Upsets, upsets, upsets and I imagine I’m not the only one. Tiny Norfolk State, a #15 seed, knocked off #2 seed Missouri and #15 seed Lehigh knocked off #2 seed Duke. That is the first time in the history of the tournament that a #15 seed has beaten a #2 seed and obviously the first time it has happened twice. But that’s why we love it and that is why it’s called MADNESS!
Day 2 – Hits and Misses
Hits – Nothing to brag about here.
Misses – Or here!
#15 Norfolk over #2 Missouri
#9 Saint Louis over #8 Memphis
#15 Lehigh over #2 Duke
#10 Xavier over #7 Notre Dame
#10 Purdue over #7 St. Mary’s
#11 NC state over #6 San Diego State
#13 Ohio over #4 Michigan
#12 South Florida over #5 Temple
Fearlessly moving forward – did I say fearlessly? – I meant timidly…
Day 3 Predictions
Kentucky over Iowa State
Indiana over VCU
Baylor over Colorado
Louisville over New Mexico
Murray State over Marquette
Ohio State over Gonzaga
Wisconsin over Vandy
and
Syracuse over Kansas State
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Dyke L. Marler
March 16, 2012
March 15th (Day One) Hits and Misses
Hits – I correctly picked Iowa State over last years Champion, UCONN.
Misses – VCU upset Wichita State, Colorado ousted UNLV and Kansas State edged Southern Miss.
So, I came out of Day 1 with a 13-3 record and now we will move on to Day 2.
Midwest
North Carolina vs. Vermont – North Carolina
Creighton vs. Alabama – Creighton
Temple vs. South Florida – Temple
Michigan vs. Ohio – Michigan
San Diego State vs. North Carolina State – SDSU
Georgetown vs. Belmont – Georgetown
St. Mary’s vs. Purdue – St. Mary’s
Kansas vs. Detroit – Kansas
East
Cincinnati vs. Texas – Cincinnati
Florida State vs. Bonaventure – FSU
South
Notre Dame vs. Xavier – Notre Dame
Duke vs. Lehigh – Duke
West
Michigan State vs. LIU Brooklyn – MSU
Memphis vs. Saint Louis – Memphis
Florida vs. Virginia – Florida
Missouri vs. Norfolk State – Missouri
